Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
