I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We are all done wearing pants today
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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