Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
