Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
