Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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