and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
