Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
