he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
