I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
