He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
