Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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