that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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