I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
