you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
