Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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