Where is the hickey?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
