Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
