When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
