drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
