there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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