You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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