so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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