I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
