I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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