I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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