and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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