I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
only you would photoshop your dick
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
