Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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