She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need to calm my uterus...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
