My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
