the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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