I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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