I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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