i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
