brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
