omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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