He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
