need another drink. this is the easiest way
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
