Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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