i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
