Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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