Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Semen is not good for contacts.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
