it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
