Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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