just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
