I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
