broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
