What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
