Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
