Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
