she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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