Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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